Chairman Xi Speaks to a Group of University Students

Photo by Kindel Media on

It is a fair sized room in the university’s theatre – and it is packed with 500 elite students.

Xi begins. ‘If you have any doubts that we will defeat America, consider this: how many people have died from the coronavirus in China?’


‘A little over 96 thousand. That is a lot, but we will do better next time if there is a next time. I say if, because we’re already working on preventing the spread of any other viral disease the moment it arrives.


‘How many people have died in America because of the coronavirus?’


‘Over 706 thousand… and counting’.

Gasp from the audience.

‘Which shows the ineptitude of that system. Put simply, the government in America lacks the capacity to persuade its citizens to do what needs to be done. And just what do some Americans say when they object to getting vaccinated?

“Oh, I have a right to my beliefs…”

Laughter from the audience.

“I have my principles…”

More laughter.

‘But no, you don’t – continues the chairman – because your not getting vaccinated puts a burden on all other citizens and the entire system, and if you become infected then you may transmit the virus to them. Plus the additional health costs that could be prevented.

Here in China we say No. No to anyone claiming the so called privilege of infecting anyone else.

So there it is. We, Chinese, believe strongly in the power of the collective, in the power of caring and respecting each other.

To do that we must surrender some of our individuality – not all – but most of it in the interest of the greater good.

While in America people are seen in the streets of every city lying on the sidewalk begging, hungry and ill, or abusing themselves with drugs as well dressed and well fed passersby don’t even glance at them, here in China we pick them up and give them shelter and medical care. And if they answer that it’s their right to lie there and kill themselves, we say no.’


‘In the state of Texas in America, a very rich state, people over 21 years old now have the right to buy and carry a gun, concealed if they wish, no permit necessary, and go around all day doing so. And the thing is, they are very proud of that so called right. But I ask you, what is the purpose of it? To say to others “don’t look at me the wrong way because I may have a gun?”


‘I think people from Texas that do that must have very fragile egos…’

Laughter and applause.

‘… and are paranoid.’

More applause.

‘By the way, that state voted heavily for Donald Trump… one of their own.’

Laughter and applause.

‘And after Trump’s defeat, they complained loudly that the election was fraudulent.’


‘In no developed country in the world is there such high number of mass killings as in America, people who are unhappy with their lives for one reason or another, deciding to buy a gun or machine gun or a cannon to fire on innocent people. And they can do it because all those weapons are for sale. Everything is for sale in America. Everything. There is no morality in America. Except for the one the dollar buys. Because if you make a lot of money, then you have arrived. Then you are a saint or a god. Never mind who you trampled on.


Xi looks around the room. ‘There are a lot of women students here. But if you were in Texas, you would not have the right to have an abortion. That’s right. You would have to go to another state to have it done. So the same state that insists on the right to carry a gun to defend themselves from who knows what, denies women the right to their bodies.’

Boos from the audience.

‘There was an article in the American press the other day about judges who did not recuse themselves when hearing cases between parties when they had a financial interest in one of them. In most cases where they had a financial interest, they made a decision that favored their side. So corruption is everywhere, even in the courts.’

Boos from the audience.

‘So why do I say all of this? I do so to remind you that we are better than Americans.

That we will defeat them when the time comes. We are fighting that good fight as we speak. Their military and technology are presently better than ours, but we will soon surpass them. We will surpass them in science and technology and social organization, and we will because their individualism will keep them from organizing effectively.

We will defeat them while they play Tik Tok.’


‘We will defeat them because they do not wish to learn to speak to each other.

If they did, then they would be harder to beat because they are a strong people. But we in the Communist Party believe Americans will fail to unite, and that alone will give us the power to surpass and conquer them.’

Standing applause.

‘Thank you. Thank you very much. Let us not take time for a few questions,’ continues Xi.

Student – Chairman, we here in China, have surrendered some of our personal freedom in the interest of the nation. In matters political we have to defer to the party at all times. How long is that to last?’

Xi – Good question. We must first dominate America. We must first be the uncontested leader of the world.

Other Student – Chairman, do you think we will need to go to war with America?

Xi – No. We will beat America with our markets, with our creativity and daring, with our superior intelligence, while they play video games. I am confident that America will implode from within. The Right and Left will not learn to speak to one another and slowly crumble as they kill each other.

Another Student – Chairman, how long do you think that will take?

Xi – 20 years. Maybe less. Our weapons to victory are our economic and scientific might. Though we keep strengthening our army and developing nuclear weapons to act as deterrent, our victory will be economic and scientific. Consider this, we have been able to send spacecraft to the other side of the moon entirely on our own. We were the first to do so.

America rejected our request to be part of the international space station, and yet, there we are in space. And we will keep building. And we will build a space station that will be the envy of the world.


Xi – There is no need to hate America. They have helped us get started. So we are grateful for that, but we must rise to our rightful place as the most capable people on earth.

Here I add a historical note. If the Germans during WWII had not targeted the Jews, if they had left them alone and instead made them their own, they would have conquered all of Europe, and the United States would not have prospered from European markets as they did and a different balance of power would now exist.

If the Japanese would have done business with us instead of trying to slaughter and rape us all, then it would not have ignited in us the rage to fight back and Mao may not have had the strength to form the Communist Party.

So we must avoid the hate of others as a motivator, and instead let our markets conquer the world.

Another student – Chairman, which do you think will be better to negotiate with in America, a Democratic or Republican administration?

Xi – Democratic. Republicans are too elitist. And they still think of Ronald Reagan as the Second Coming.


Xi – The best president they have ever had was Franklin Delano Roosevelt, who guided them during the depression and WWII and started much needed social programs.

Other student – Chairman, what about President Biden?

Xi – We’re still trying to figure him out.

Other Student – Chairman, you really think we are destined to rule the world?

Xi – Yes. And do so by example, not by force.

Student – Chairman, president Biden is saying the same thing to Americans, ‘Let us rule by the power of our example and not the example of our power.’

Xi – Yes, but to do that you must be able to speak to each other, and Republicans and Democrats are unable to do so and they will sink their nation. Which will help China rise faster.

So be patient and work hard. This is our time. This is China’s time.

All the students stand and give Chairman Xi a standing ovation.

All Students – in unison – Long Live China! Long Live Chairman Xi!’

Oscar Valdes

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