personal development – Oscar Valdes

Elvis and His Daughter

On 1/14/2023, two days after Lisa Marie Presley died, a WSJ columnist, Bob Greene, wrote a short piece in memoriam.
Lisa Marie was 9 years old when Elvis Presley died at his home – Graceland – in Memphis in 1977 at the age of 42.
Elvis was already divorced from Priscilla but that day, Lisa Marie was staying with him.
The cause of death was reported to be cardiac arrest secondary to his addiction to prescription barbiturates and its side effects.
Mr Greene’s piece was very touching and captured the sadness in Lisa Marie. He had written about Elvis already and wrote some more after his death. Once, when he went to Las Vegas as part of his writing, Mr Greene had been allowed to stay at the suite atop the Las Vegas Hilton, a suite built for Elvis since the hotel was his preferred venue for his performances in Las Vegas.
In his piece, Mr Greene wrote that Elvis had chosen ‘a life of fanfare and notoriety’.
That statement caught my eye.
Do we really choose our lives or do our talents choose them for us?
It’s hard to imagine a man like Elvis, with such oversize talent, to hear music and not jump with it, saying, ‘no, I’m not going to do that. It’s too much. It might take me places too elevated.’
It’s hard to imagine Elvis looking at a guitar and saying, ‘no, I’m not going to tinker with you because who knows what kinds of sounds I’ll make and I will be late for trade school where I’ll get to learn how to make a living.’
Hard to imagine Elvis walking away from the guitar he saw displayed at the pawn shop and not look back because the damn thing kept calling to him and screaming, ‘Damnit, you fool, this is it, don’t you hear it?’
No. Elvis knew, in his bones, that music had a hold on him and he’d better embrace it or it would be the end of him. It would have been the end of him, even if he had gone on living into his 80s or 90s, having settled down to a peaceful existence as a tradesman or some other occupation in Memphis, Tennessee.
To have walked away from the guitar, to have numbed himself to the magic of music, would’ve deprived him and all of us of very special moments.
That he died in the prime of his life is due to other reasons.
Indulging our talents, working on them, perfecting them, is not all protective, though it takes us a long way in that direction.
For all his gifts, Elvis, whose music has touched us deeply, could not fend off the demons that assailed him.
I once saw a sign hanging from a psychiatrist’s door. It read, ‘If you need help, you’re a human being. If you don’t, you’re a god.’
The doc had a point.
Elvis needed help but instead turned to opiates. No one around said to him, ‘that’s not it, man, I don’t care how much of a giant in music you are. You still need that connection with a person who hears you, listens to your pain and embraces you. The beauty of the music you have created does wonderful things, inspire, soothe, even enlighten, but the pain you’re having needs the touch of a person who sees you just as a man, a fellow human being asking to be accepted as you are, with all your flaws.’
Even if a person is born with various talents, it is the greatest of them, if you allow yourself to feel them, which will tell you which way to go. It is the greatest of our talents, that will rock you and us.
We just have to listen.
To the King of Rock, my posthumous thanks. I admit I don’t listen to you often enough, but when I hear passages of your music and the uniqueness of your voice, you always bring a smile to my face.
To Lisa Marie, thank you, too. I never met you or saw you perform but know that something in you sought to extend to us part of the magic into which you were born.

Lisa Marie died at age 54 in Los Angeles. The immediate cause was reported as cardiac arrest.

Having An Opinion

Is important. Having an opinion on anything.
The more subjects we have opinions on, the better.
We don’t have to be an expert on the subject to have an opinion on it.
We can reflect on it based on what we have available, what we have heard or experienced.
To have opinions we must think.
Doing so elevates it to an art form. The reflection we put into it does that.
And every one of us can do it.
We can do it while walking, sitting or lying down. But it should be done while one is alone.
Of course, opinions can and will be influenced by discussion with others but the more effort we put into doing our own thinking, the more we will get from interactions.
Writing helps thinking. But you don’t need to write to think.
Socrates didn’t do much writing. His pupil, Plato, would do it for him.
All we need to have an opinion is the willingness to have it.
All we need to think is the willingness to do it. The willingness to say, ‘I am going to think.’
That’s it.
It sounds so simple and yet, most people don’t set aside the time for it.
It is much easier to read or hear another person’s opinion and then agree or disagree with it. Which has a place, of course.
But the thinking I’m talking about is the thinking that one initiates. The one where one sets a time for it.
Each one of us has a variety of undigested ideas on a given subject that will come up when one chooses to think.
Dialogue is central to thinking. Dialogue with ourselves. With ideas we’ve heard but not pondered. Ideas we have not answered.
The French sculptor Rodin paid homage to thinking when he made his famous ‘The Thinker’, a bronze piece of a naked man sitting on a slab of stone, facing forward, his chin resting on the back of his flexed right hand, the same arm’s elbow placed on his left thigh. It is a beautiful piece.
That’s all we need to think. A place to sit and be alone.
Alone so that whatever is brewing in us can rise to the surface undisturbed.
Alone so our thoughts can float up gently into our consciousness.
Consider for a moment how little time we devote to thinking. We’re always rushing here and there, doing this or that. Afraid of looking into what is in us.
Thinking is beautiful and it is an art. Unrecognized and undervalued.
It brings us closer to who we are for it demands that we take off our mask. That we face our reality and not rush away from it. That we face our prejudices, our fears, our mistakes, our pain, our anger, our indifference, our brutality.
We all have to make a contribution to earn our living. Doing our own thinking should be part of it. And we shouldn’t leave it to others to do it for us.
We shouldn’t because every single one of us is unique.
Next time you set aside time to think, remind yourself that thinking is an art form.
When we take time to think we’re activating our creative powers. Who knows what will come out.
Societies whose members think, embrace democracy.
Societies whose members don’t, surrender to autocracy.
If you haven’t, look up Rodin’s bronze, ‘Le Penseur’, for inspiration.
It is on the net, of course, but the real thing might be at a museum near you.

Admitting Our Mistakes

Is not easy.
It’s coming to terms with our fallibility, with our imperfections.
Though most of us, in our more enlightened moments, will acknowledge that we’re flawed, in day to day life our unconscious is likely to trick us, leading us to believe that we don’t have any such flaws and if we do, they’re minor.
It takes a determined effort to remind ourselves that whatever our flaws, they are always around the corner, ready to pounce.
Thus, the importance of interaction, being open to other ideas and to criticism.
No one likes being criticized but those who are open to it march a step ahead.
Still, some things we just don’t see.
I’m reminded of walking down a supermarket aisle with a small child.
I’m more likely to see those items on shelves at my eye level. The child, on the other hand, having a different field of vision, will more easily spot things on the lower shelves.
Admitting to our mistakes can be so difficult, that some people would rather keep building on a faulty foundation than to be open about it and scrap or modify the original idea.
Any project that goes awry has had design flaws that some of the creators didn’t pause enough to properly analyze.
So they cover up and cover up and cover up.
We can’t get away with it.
We become better human beings when we are open to admitting our mistakes as soon as possible. Life rewards us for being honest with ourselves.
To say, ‘I’m not good at that, or that either. He/she are better at it,’ takes a measure of courage. But it’s easier to say to ourselves, ‘they got the job because they know somebody,’
which, in our complicated world, may sometimes be true.
Being fully honest with ourselves opens new paths we hadn’t thought of.
In structured settings, be they business or governmental, confronting flaws can be so difficult that the admission of it led to the whistleblower concept. A legal clause protecting those willing to tell the truth in exchange for a monetary reward.
Hiding the truth is in every human activity.
In politics it is rampant and sometimes deadly.
Putin has gone to war with Ukraine after building an edifice of lies that no one around dared question. Thousands of lives have been lost and more will follow.
Those who heard the lies first were unwilling to challenge them. So something started to rot.
Has been rotting for years.
Inside of China, too, as exemplified in the Communist party saying to the Chinese, ‘We have all the ideas needed for us to become the greatest nation on earth. Just trust us. We lead, you follow.’
They’ve been down that road for a while and we’re smelling the stench. It comes from the repression in Hong Kong, from the suffering of the Uyghurs in Xinjiang province, the suffocating quarantines in the management of Covid.
Democracy has many flaws and often harbors autocrats that must be smoked out, but it creates the conditions for the open interplay of ideas.
Closed systems, like the Russian and Chinese, or any other dictatorship, rot slowly.
It’s happened since our history started.
The French kings didn’t listen to the common man until it was too late and heads rolled.
Today’s kings – Putin and Xi – who are causing or supporting so much cruelty, also believe that they own the truth and so they trample on freedom of speech.
Show me a country where freedom of speech is censored and we can point to a country where human rot is growing.
Science has something to teach us to prevent such rot. In science, a person comes up with an idea to solve a particular problem, then someone else tests it to make sure it is good. Then another person does the same, validating the proposed solution.
That is freedom at work.
Of course, some issues may need decisions that cannot wait, but many issues should use more rigor to find the better solutions.
To avoid the lies. To avoid the waste. To avoid the failure. To avoid the rot.

The Right to Bear Arms and Personal Insecurity

The Second Amendment protects the right to keep and bear arms as being necessary to the security of a free state, but today, such security is well provided by our armed forces.
Therefore, today’s insistence on the right to bear arms appears to be an effort to address people’s personal insecurities.
In everyday life, we’re always assessing threats to our wellbeing. In the process we may properly estimate our value and that of others or just be wrong about it and end up instead overvaluing or undervaluing all concerned.
Personal insecurities come with being human. Events in our lives may exacerbate them and thus must be properly addressed.
The current insistence on the right to carry weapons stems from unaddressed personal insecurities and carries far more risks than benefits.
Furthermore, it delays the process of self scrutiny to remedy what flaws feed our personal insecurities.
It is not an easy task to address such flaws. It takes diligence, attention to detail and a measure of emotional strength to start. The rewards, however, are enormous.
One such reward may be identifying what activity bring us the most emotional satisfaction.
Do what we love most and we will be better able to value ourselves and others.
We will be better anchored and less envious.
Envy is a hard nut to crack but it can be managed effectively if we feel grounded as a person.
All of us are flawed. Those who manage to pull ahead have identified their strengths and are able to manage more effectively what flaws they have.
Therefore, they will be less likely to need a gun at their side.
Grandiosity is a personality trait that will distort how we perceive ourselves and the world around us. The quicker we’re able to identify it, the quicker we can check it.
Grandiosity is more apt to show up if we fail to properly assess what strengths we have.
It acts as an ego protective mechanism, aiming to compensate for perceptions of low self worth but is not helpful in the end.
We have several examples of grandiosity in full display in today’s current affairs.
It has impaired Putin’s and Xi Jinping’s judgments with horrific consequences. But neither man is a properly developed individual. Just like Trump in America.
The person so insistent on carrying a weapon perceives the weapon as an equalizer. They believe they need the protection when interacting with others. ‘Look, I’m carrying, so watch out.’
Some take it a step further. Years ago, while working in a prison, I met an inmate serving a sentence for shooting another man. He wounded him. He’d had an interaction with the victim and felt demeaned as a result. But seeing that the victim was a stronger man, he chose to shoot him instead of fighting him or resolving the matter by other means.
The hard tasks that lie ahead for the nation call for all of us to do more introspection. To learn about our emotions and to express them properly.
The right to bear arms contributes nothing to that task.
It delays our individual development.
Want to hunt? Get your gun. Want to evolve as a human being? Put it down.

The Book of Our Lives

We wake up in the morning and if our minds are open to the flow of past memories, something shows up that wants our attention.
A project we didn’t complete, mistakes that were made, opportunities that weren’t taken, things that weren’t said or were said.
Regrets.
And we think, was courage absent?
Did we give it our best? And if not, why not?
Were we living on the edge?
If not, why not?
Were we communing with ourselves? Or were too busy for that priceless dialogue?
Ever doubt that we have courage?
Look again. It’s there. Anxious to be called forth. Just waiting to be summoned. Ready to spring into action.
We all have courage. We come with it. It’s part of the equipment that nature gives us to do battle in our lives.
Like muscle, if we don’t use it, it withers away, may even go into hiding, but it never disappears entirely. So long as we have breath.
And what a joy it is to see it step forward.
In our daily battle for existence, all steps require some degree of courage to say ‘I’m here. I am alive.’
If we make mistakes, let’s fix them and learn from them.
Courage will be the first to admit that exercising it comes with mistakes.
To not exercise it daily is to bury ourselves, little by little.
We can call courage by another name, say affirmation. I prefer the word courage.
It’s raw, summons defiance, quiet or loud, small or large, shy or outrageous.
As the river that each of us is streams through life, courage is the force that defines us.
‘He/she did this. He/she did that.’
Each act of creation an act of courage.
And every day of our lives demands acts of creation or else we atrophy, shrivel, devalue our possibilities.
There’s too much to do in life. Too much injustice, too much ignorance, too much violence, too much indifference, too much conceit, for us to remain aloof.
The river that each of our lives is needs to flow to enrich other lives and by that measure our existences will be judged to have been worthy or not.
Because there is that possibility, isn’t there? The possibility that our lives will amount to nothing at all. To have existed and done nothing.
To have benefitted from other people’s efforts but contributed zero to the human project.
Every morning, upon awakening, life demands that we be courageous.
That we improve our existences and impact that of others.
Succumb to fear or face it.
Facing our past mistakes is facing our history. The book of our life opens a page every morning.
So let us read it. It is there to show us the path forward.
There, for us to write in our choices.

Day of Thanks AND Forgiving

Thank you to those we know and don’t know.
To those who keep the lights on, the trains and trucks running, our homes and water heated,
Those who work in places that never close or to which we can go or call in an emergency.
To those who keep our streets safe, our computers running, those who grow and stock our food, those who invent and create to keep expanding our world.
To those who dare imagine new remedies to restore our health.
To those who fight to preserve our freedoms.
AND
Today is also a day to forgive ourselves for our failings and forgive others for theirs.
Try as we do we may come up short, and yet we must pull ourselves up and try again, remembering that defeat and loss should not keep us down for long.
There is just this one life.
When we feel alone and self pity knocks at our door, we say hello and goodbye.
When we do not get what we want in one field or endeavor, we try another. And another.
If our love is not returned we smile back and keep searching.
To pain unrelieved we look it in the eye and say, ‘I will get past you, you will not defeat me.’
To whose who wish to harm or kill us we say, ‘Why do you want to give me your pain?
Why are you running from your humanity?’
We will keep quarrelling and fighting, it’s part of who we are, but can we lessen the harm we do to each other? Can we soften the injuries we inflict?
Why do we forget that our victims are our brothers and sisters?
Should we not remind ourselves every morning when we step out, that we have the option to hurt or not hurt a fellow human being?
And yet, some pain we may not be able to stop, even if we want to.
Yesterday, as I returned home from buying groceries, I spotted an old acquaintance who has given up on life. He is self employed and has means to seek help but has chosen not to do so. I called out to him and he stopped. We talked. ‘Have you sought help?’ I asked. ‘No. I don’t care.’
A middle aged man, he’s felt defeated for years. “There is help,’ I insisted as I’ve done before. ‘Thank you but I don’t care,’ he replied. ‘I don’t have any friends. My relatives live far away.’
‘There is zoom,’ I answered. ‘It won’t work,’ he returned.
As he got ready to get into his car he said, ‘The other day, I think I almost had a heart attack.’ ‘There is help,’ I said again.
‘I don’t care.’ And he got in and drove away, a prisoner of his suffering.
I felt impotent as I walked back to my car, aware that I may not see him again.
But some pain can be stopped.
I am sure that on a day like today, theatres were open in Moscow, with actors playing dramas and comedies that spoke of the intricacies of the human condition.
And we can envision a conversation between two people exiting the theatre. ‘Did you enjoy the play, Igor?’ She asks her husband. ‘Delightful. How the actor captured the nuance in the emotions. Marvelous.’
Just as their political leader keeps ordering more and more missiles be fired to kill more and more Ukrainians.
We humans have a great ability to live with contradictions.
I’ve been watching a drama on Netflix called ‘The Last Kingdom,’ set in the British Iles many centuries ago, before England was England. In the story, a Saxon king relies heavily on a valiant and skilled warrior to preserve his dominion. The Saxon king is a devout believer in God. The valiant warrior is pagan. For all that the Saxon king owes the pagan warrior, he is most intolerant of his being pagan and he will not embrace him as he is. Will not accept his difference.
I have not reached the end of the series, but it seems the king will not accept the warrior as he is even if it means putting the existence of his dominion at risk.
We humans have a great ability to live with contradictions.
Attempting to resolve them builds bridges between us. Not doing so dooms us.
We’ve been at it for centuries.
Sometimes we give up and just slaughter, burn or rip each other apart.
But there is still hope. In each one of us.
Giving thanks to another human being is a step forward.
Forgiving ourselves and others, yet another.

Miles Davis. What he Teaches

Saw a wonderful documentary on Miles Davis, the star African American artist, on Netflix.
The blend of archival footage with interviews of relevant people in his life includes clips of the musician himself describing what he was going through at the time.
As a child his parents wanted him to learn to play an instrument. Mother suggested the violin, father insisted on the trumpet. And that was the start of a long creative period that helped define an era in jazz music. The birth of the cool, some called it.
His talent showed early and kept growing.
Right after high school he left East St Louis where he had grown up and travelled to New York to play with stars like Charlie Parker and Dizzy Gillespie in clubs along a strip on 52nd street.
He went to Europe and captivated audiences with his sound. He loved Paris. But he always returned to New York.
Music was everything to him, he said. ‘I woke up with it and went to bed with it’.
That’s what dominated his life, what guided him and pushed him relentlessly to do the best he could. And the audiences loved him.
Then drugs started showing up.
When he surrendered to them, he would go into dark periods where he turned paranoid and abusive with the women he loved. They put up with it for a while but then left.
The talent, though, never left him.
The dark periods sometimes lasted for months, sometimes for years. But he kept coming back until the end. He died of a stroke at a hospital in Santa Monica, CA. in 1991 at age 65, in the company of a professional painter with whom he had begun to collaborate. Yes, he did that, too.
Seeing the film I felt the power of his talent, the relentless search for innovative sounds. And I wondered, how come a man with such gifts surrenders to a drug?
Why is the acclaim, the widespread celebration of his abilities, not protective in itself?
Perhaps, I offer, the artist had not cultivated his self knowledge.
And just what does that mean?
It means acquiring the ability to self govern, the ability to put up with the pain of our limitations as human beings. We all have them, regardless of how enormous our talents may be.
Emotional pain visits us all. It does not spare anyone. But learn to square with it, learn to look it in the face, and we will acknowledge our inevitable limitations as individuals.
Processing that pain is crucial for our emotional growth so that slowly, over time, we can say, ‘I’m learning to know who I am. To know where I am strong and where I am vulnerable.’
We thoroughly enjoy our natural highs. The feeling of elation that comes from succeeding at a task or from being with friends. The profound satisfaction to be found with a lover.
Drugs attempt to bypass the work that goes into achieving and enjoying such natural highs.
Talent alone will not give us the protection we need against the pain of living.
But sharing the pain will.
I have no idea of the depth of pain Miles Davis felt throughout his life, but to isolate and invite drugs to our solo parties, is to ask death to join in.
To learn to self govern we must share our pain first. Share our pain second. Share our pain often. And we’ll be ready to put up with it when there’s no one around to share it with.

Creators and Destroyers

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Both come into this world needing stimulation and nurture to be able to thrive.
From the start, the desire for friendship and love is felt by both.
Basic skills are soon acquired to function in the community.
But something begins to happen at about there.
The group one belongs to, has rules that should be followed to better manage the inevitable conflicts.
The Creator sees the benefit of it. The Destroyer starts to think, how can I get around them?
With the acquisition of work skills, the desire for personal autonomy gathers strength.
The realization that one need not be tied to one’s community of origin sets in and there is a large world out there that beckons.
Early in our existences two questions come forward to face us. What to do with our lives? What can we do best?
How we answer them will determine our futures.
The better responses will come if we’ve developed a good sense of self, which in turn flows from having had positive interactions with fellow human beings.
The Creator thinks in terms of improving themselves and earn the admiration of peers.
The Destroyer also thinks of their improvement, but with a twist – how to be feared and take advantage of others.
The Creator sees the need for deepening friendships.
The Destroyer sees the need for developing alliances.
I see envy as a key driver for the Destroyer. They asses, early on, that they are different, that they don’t have what Creators do but find that they can use them.
Shallow friendships would be the norm for the Destroyer, or else they’d betray their true nature.
While both busy themselves in the quest for advancement, the Destroyer never loses sight of
how to gain advantage over others.
Once Creators find a path for their strengths, they set about to improve themselves and, in doing so, enrich their communities by the services they render.
The Destroyer may have identified personal strengths they could develop, but what attracts them the most is the desire to manipulate and use people.
They may be aware of envy as a powerful motivator in their lives but, if they are, they choose to not wrestle with the emotion and learn how to manage it. The desire for control supersedes it.
Creators, in their commitment to their work, find meaning in their lives.
Destroyers may find meaning, too, but of a different kind, one filled with the power wrested from those who didn’t have the courage to follow their own paths.
In our world today, there are Destroyers in position of great influence. Some have become leaders of nations. Those who applaud them or have become their pawns, should ask themselves, ‘why did I choose to not find my own path? Now, each time I applaud the Destroyer I am saying, I am your accomplice, your vassal and instrument.’
Man earns his freedom every day.

Oscarvaldes.medium.com

What a Father Can Teach his Daughter or Son

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He can teach them they are unique. No one exactly like them has come before or will come after. And so the child’s task is to express their possibilities in the world they inherit.
A world where the contributions of many are already manifest and there to be used.
One hundred years ago, air travel was in its infancy, the car industry was just getting on. Medical care was vastly more limited. Life expectancy much shorter. People didn’t think smoking cigarettes was a problem. The movies had yet to have sound or color and never mind computers and smartphones.
It took the effort of many to get us where we are.
A father can teach his daughter or son that the more developed world they’re inheriting, with all its problems, is both a gift from all who have come before, and a challenge to improve it.
To answer the challenge, the child must discover what they are good at and which ability they enjoy the most. This search is crucial, for it will be the ability they enjoy the most the one where they will be the most productive.
Committing to it, will make them less envious of others, for the child will be able to say, ‘I know what I have. You know what you have. I have my power. You have yours. I have my limits, you have yours, so let us do what we must.’
Some things the daughter or son will know to do intuitively. But if they have a little hesitancy, they may need to be gently reminded that achieving physical, emotional and sexual intimacy with someone they love is crucial to their wellbeing and overall growth.
A father can teach their child to be kind to others. Everyone, but specially to those who, for one reason or another, have had difficulty realizing their possibilities.
A father can teach their child how fundamental it is that they understand their emotions. Without such understanding we cannot have a full mind, for to have a mind is to have the capacity to reason while integrating our emotions.
Which then enables the child to fully express their essence, which in turn leads them to embrace freedom.
A life is not well lived if human beings cannot speak their minds.
A life is not well lived if the person is too frightened to make clear who they are, to fully manifest the core of their being. It amounts to cheating yourself and the rest of us, choosing to simply pass through without leaving a mark.
To be in hiding is to waste a life, to dishonor those who gave to us.
A father can help his child not err in such manner.
And should the father commit to the task, there are rewards for him, too, for seeing that he can influence another human being, he will find inspiration to fulfill what he has not yet.
Give and it will come back to you in ways unexpected.
A father can help deliver a daughter or son onto the world, but it will be up to the woman or man to come into their own.
A word on fame or material riches. The pursuit of them without personal development, emotional and intellectual, will not let you appreciate them, for if you happen to hold them, they will slip through your fingers.
It’s never too late to start.

Oscarvaldes.medium.com

Regrets. Living with Them

We all have them.
The size of them varies. There are the big ones and the little ones and the ones in between.
They weigh differently on us but they weigh still.
Some date back to childhood, and some are as recent as yesterday’s.
A good portion of them were unavoidable.
We just didn’t know enough, were not mature enough, didn’t think enough, weren’t bold enough.
Regrets may go into hiding, sometimes for long periods of time, but they never go away.
And that’s by design.
Our memory wants us to learn from our mistakes, not keep repeating them.
Our memory wants us to decipher our code and become better at making choices.
If we’re not numbing our minds, by whichever method we select, they always find a way back into our consciousness.
Becoming friends with our regrets is important. It is taking a step toward healing.
They yearn for acceptance, to be embraced. They want our minds to say, ‘Yes, that was me doing that… it was me. I could have been kinder, I could have been wiser, more patient or bolder. But I was not.’ And then they ask of us to understand why we weren’t kinder, wiser, more patient or bolder.
Regrets are not popping up to punish us, they’re coming back to ask us to do the homework of understanding.
Through understanding, our acceptance becomes fuller.
As it does our minds grow deeper and stronger. Keep doing it and it adds up.
Before long we will be on the road to forgiveness. And then moments of peace.
Forgiving ourselves, forgiving others.
For those who persist and keep working with their regrets, deciphering them and letting them enrich us, there is a grand reward. The sense of personal freedom. Knowing who we are. ‘This is me!’ We may call it our core.
And knowing that our core is there, that we’ve had a hand in building it, is a source of great strength.
We found it. We own it. ‘I am making me.’
The uncertainties of the road ahead will then be easier to face and manage.
Years and years ago, when I was a freshman in college, while taking an English class, the professor, in discussing a short story he’d assigned, commented that we never get to know ourselves completely. I disagree. And yet, there are always surprises.
Having an interest in our mind is most satisfying.
As inviting as the discovering is, not everyone is inclined to do so. If you do, keeping a private diary is useful. I’ve addressed that in a separate blog.
So let us welcome our regrets. Let us look at them as stimuli that enrich and sharpen purpose, helping us fulfill the most of our possibilities.

Oscarvaldes.medium.com