What a Father Can Teach his Daughter or Son

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He can teach them they are unique. No one exactly like them has come before or will come after. And so the child’s task is to express their possibilities in the world they inherit.
A world where the contributions of many are already manifest and there to be used.
One hundred years ago, air travel was in its infancy, the car industry was just getting on. Medical care was vastly more limited. Life expectancy much shorter. People didn’t think smoking cigarettes was a problem. The movies had yet to have sound or color and never mind computers and smartphones.
It took the effort of many to get us where we are.
A father can teach his daughter or son that the more developed world they’re inheriting, with all its problems, is both a gift from all who have come before, and a challenge to improve it.
To answer the challenge, the child must discover what they are good at and which ability they enjoy the most. This search is crucial, for it will be the ability they enjoy the most the one where they will be the most productive.
Committing to it, will make them less envious of others, for the child will be able to say, ‘I know what I have. You know what you have. I have my power. You have yours. I have my limits, you have yours, so let us do what we must.’
Some things the daughter or son will know to do intuitively. But if they have a little hesitancy, they may need to be gently reminded that achieving physical, emotional and sexual intimacy with someone they love is crucial to their wellbeing and overall growth.
A father can teach their child to be kind to others. Everyone, but specially to those who, for one reason or another, have had difficulty realizing their possibilities.
A father can teach their child how fundamental it is that they understand their emotions. Without such understanding we cannot have a full mind, for to have a mind is to have the capacity to reason while integrating our emotions.
Which then enables the child to fully express their essence, which in turn leads them to embrace freedom.
A life is not well lived if human beings cannot speak their minds.
A life is not well lived if the person is too frightened to make clear who they are, to fully manifest the core of their being. It amounts to cheating yourself and the rest of us, choosing to simply pass through without leaving a mark.
To be in hiding is to waste a life, to dishonor those who gave to us.
A father can help his child not err in such manner.
And should the father commit to the task, there are rewards for him, too, for seeing that he can influence another human being, he will find inspiration to fulfill what he has not yet.
Give and it will come back to you in ways unexpected.
A father can help deliver a daughter or son onto the world, but it will be up to the woman or man to come into their own.
A word on fame or material riches. The pursuit of them without personal development, emotional and intellectual, will not let you appreciate them, for if you happen to hold them, they will slip through your fingers.
It’s never too late to start.

Oscarvaldes.medium.com

Regrets. Living with Them




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We all have them.
The size of them varies. There are the big ones and the little ones and the ones in between.
They weigh differently on us but they weigh still.
Some date back to childhood, and some are as recent as yesterday’s.
A good portion of them were unavoidable.
We just didn’t know enough, were not mature enough, didn’t think enough, weren’t bold enough.
Regrets may go into hiding, sometimes for long periods of time, but they never go away.
And that’s by design.
Our memory wants us to learn from our mistakes, not keep repeating them.
Our memory wants us to decipher our code and become better at making choices.
If we’re not numbing our minds, by whichever method we select, they always find a way back into our consciousness.
Becoming friends with our regrets is important. It is taking a step toward healing.
They yearn for acceptance, to be embraced. They want our minds to say, ‘Yes, that was me doing that… it was me. I could have been kinder, I could have been wiser, more patient or bolder. But I was not.’ And then they ask of us to understand why we weren’t kinder, wiser, more patient or bolder.
Regrets are not popping up to punish us, they’re coming back to ask us to do the homework of understanding.
Through understanding, our acceptance becomes fuller.
As it does our minds grow deeper and stronger. Keep doing it and it adds up.
Before long we will be on the road to forgiveness. And then moments of peace.
Forgiving ourselves, forgiving others.
For those who persist and keep working with their regrets, deciphering them and letting them enrich us, there is a grand reward. The sense of personal freedom. Knowing who we are. ‘This is me!’ We may call it our core.
And knowing that our core is there, that we’ve had a hand in building it, is a source of great strength.
We found it. We own it. ‘I am making me.’
The uncertainties of the road ahead will then be easier to face and manage.
Years and years ago, when I was a freshman in college, while taking an English class, the professor, in discussing a short story he’d assigned, commented that we never get to know ourselves completely. I disagree. And yet, there are always surprises.
Having an interest in our mind is most satisfying.
As inviting as the discovering is, not everyone is inclined to do so. If you do, keeping a private diary is useful. I’ve addressed that in a separate blog.
So let us welcome our regrets. Let us look at them as stimuli that enrich and sharpen purpose, helping us fulfill the most of our possibilities.

Oscarvaldes.medium.com